Viewing American Politics From The Perspective of Martians

By: Kenrick Cleveland

I'm being silly, but indulge me here as I veer off into the realm of fantasy. Not *that* kind of fantasy, but the world from a martian's perspective.

Put yourself in the head of an anthropologist from Mars. Let's pretend we're a team of anthropologists and we've taken on human form and landed in Washington DC, circa 2007.

From this perspective, what conclusions will we come to about American politics?

We would immediately be caught up in the "two sides". One blue, one red. One represented by donkeys, the other, elephants.

Well, are there really only two sides? Of course not. That's absurd.

The people are given two options because three or four options would confuse them. The fringe candidates/parties aren't allowed to compete with various reasons given why they should not be allowed.

So the red and the blue appear to really dislike each other, but they're two sides of the same coin, always in line to keep out the fringe and so they have some common interests.

Here's where things start to become interesting. . .

The media is an enemy to both sides. They like to highlight the actions of both teams so that they gain more revenue from advertisers.

They're sort of the devil's advocate, but not really because their loyalty is to whomever is in power and whomever owns the media outlet.

So aside from the fringe candidates and the media, these two groups have even more exciting and titillating enemies in common.

Hookers (Louisiana Senator David Vitters, who while advocating abstinence-only sex education which excluded information on birth control and safe sex, was identified by two women, the DC Madam and the Canal Street Madam, as being a client - ironic hypocrisy);

Under aged boys. Uh oh. US Representative Mark Foley, crusader against child abuse and exploitation, became child abuser and exploiter when it came to light that he had a bit of a taste for Congressional pages.

Women. Specifically wanton women. There was this one time, the woman was wearing a blue dress. He liked cigars. . . . At least Bill Clinton had the sense to make sure the woman was over the age of consent.

Other enemies include...

Closeted homosexuality. This has turned out to plague a number of people lately. There's Larry Craig and the foot tapping incident ("misunderstanding"). And Democratic Governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey. At least he's no longer in the closet.

Extramarital affairs. The list is too long. And really, is this even an issue people care about anymore?

And women who don't like being groped or harassed (The Terminator).

There are plenty of other enemies. Crack cocaine (Marion Barry), voter fraud, blah, blah, blah. Actually, voter fraud is only a problem for the big loser, not the fake winner.

Blue, red, elephant, donkey, they seem to want to make all the laws and then break them.

In our research as Martian anthropologists, we'd have to conclude that some form of perversion or criminal record is mandatory for political candidates.

We'd also have to conclude that the non-politicians, the ones who vote (or don't vote), have such a short attention span that really, it doesn't much matter. It's football season and there's a new season of "The Biggest Loser" and it's back to school time and the kids need new backpacks. And before you know it, it's the holidays again.

Jumping into this little fantasy world sometimes gives us a fresh perspective. It's all about framing. Putting a new lens on life.

Try it with your life and your persuasion. See how it goes. Tell others about it, tell me about it on this blog. Create a discussion, invite your friends and colleagues to join the discussion here. Lord knows we need to step back from the craziness every once in a while and talk to each other intelligently about what we observe.

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Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of affluent prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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